October 27, 2010


me and the little boy gettin' in the Halloween spirit.

and poor Soupie looks like she is wearing a mask.
but she got bit by something that made her snout swollen and eyes swell shut!
we think it was a snake.
those long lil doggies just love crawling in holes.
she's our halloweenier.

October 24, 2010

my happy place.

bits from Eureka

i took a trip of solitude to the mountains of Northern Arkansas this past June.
there's a monastery tucked away deep in the hills.
they also own an Inn of sorts down the road, or around the way, or up the bend.. whichever.
you're in virtual seclusion, and that's what mattered.
only $35 a night for a comfortable room, no TV, view of heaven, peace & quiet, full access to their kitchen, cozy library, and most noteworthy...permission to play their old piano.

before i left i had a long list of do's and don'ts.
i wanted to eat only organic, i wanted to finish at least 2 books, i wasn't going to get on the internet, etc.
as i was driving off, i took my list and threw it out of the window.
i felt liberated.
i'd never taken a trip like this before.
it was a time to spend with just ME to reflect, heal, and have fun.
i didn't want to have any set rules because if they got broken,
i might feel bad.
and i didn't want to chance feeling even the slightest tinge of disappointment during such a lovely and special occasion.

Raw Honey i bought from a mom & pop store in the mountains.
i discovered that Wheat Thins are really tasty dipped in it. sweet n salty meets gooey/crunchy.

i took this little book by my favorite author Kent Nerburn.
sub-titled "Living in the Spirit of the Prayer of St. Francis".
little did i know there would be a St. Francis retreat at the same place i was lodging a few days after i arrived.
also, i last saw the retreat's teacher, musician/monk John Michael Talbot, when i was a pre-teen. we were at an organic garden where they were dedicating a St. Francis statue.
John Michael stood in the middle of a field playing guitar and
singing Hallelujahs.
every sheep in that field stood erect like ivory statues, watching him play.
it was a holy sight, indeed.
JMT was part of the 70's country-rock band Mason Profitt before his spiritual enlightenment, so he'd acquired a decent fan base throughout the years.
the crowd, made up of small families, hippies, musicians, and other granola-esqe people, relaxed on blankets and quilts and watched the show. i can still feel the atmosphere. perfect Fall time weather. the smell of green.
i remember feeling extra alive.

synchronicity couldn't be ignored.
i ended up staying for the St. Francis retreat too.

lamby picture in the room. such a precious sketch. lambs are still my favorite. (well, and squirrels too!)

October 22, 2010

pea pod perceptions

and so.. i make a decision to bow before the Greater Good.
why does it feel so good to get on my knees?
to verbalize my need for something bigger than me?
is my perception my reality as some pose?
i don't know.
the calming comes.
and refreshed i stand.

i am a mouse. i need a King.
i don't like the pressure of feeling like it is all up to me to make right decisions.
the pressure of feeling that it is all up to me and my decisions in life is overwhelming.
we let ourself down. people let us down. pets let us down. things die, times change.
but does God let us down?

is it true?
"your perception is your reality"

i sat next to an elderly couple on my flight a couple weeks ago to Phoenix.
we were like 3 peas in a pod in our seating arrangement.
the flight was 4 hours long, and we talked for over 3 hours of it.
the lady, Barbie, used to be an opera singer, but at age 21 she woke up deaf.
no symptoms, no warning signs.
she just woke up and the world was silent.
this was already intriguing, but since i'd been reading Helen Keller's biography, i was captivated that much more.
for over 40 years she couldn't hear a single sound.
then she regained her hearing in one ear by having a chip inserted into the back of her head that read her brain waves and by wearing a tiny mic at her ear to pick up the sound.
she said "I hear with my brain.... but so do you."

i ended up sharing my life story with this lady...(why do i keep doing this to people?!)
her companion Paul, a jovial fellow with lots of borderline hilarious jokes, added a nice balance to the melodrama.

later me and Paul discussed homemade instruments & he explained a few concepts of Physics.
they were lovely people.

and when we parted ways in the airport he shook his arm up at me and declared "May the force be with you!"

and i replied, "May it be with you too my friend!!"
then i spoke some Christian jargon to myself towards them. :)

the Force. i liked that..

i said a little amen and then headed for the next terminal.

October 20, 2010

wondering wanderer

i have a blurry understanding of some things,
and no understanding of all the rest.

but one thing i do know is that something eternal is in me..
and it is constantly crying out for more.

some art makes me feel like a wanderer.
like a river exploring the rocks, tasting of the earth, but never finding its home in the ocean.

we all want less wandering and more wonderment.
we want to be childlike but we think with our head.
does Faith make sense?
does it work?

creative time signatures laced with haunting melisma can only move
one so far...

i hear an old hymn sung by siblings on demand in a dirty kitchen.
and try as i may to quell it, the eternal in me breaks.
the floodgates lift,
my face turns wet
golden eyeshadow tears.

i felt the More.
and it had been a long, long time.

sleepy eyed hunter boy

me, my brother Jonathan, my sister in law Lacey, her brother Jon-Jon and baby Link all spent the night in Little Rock last night so we could be there early for my brother's wrist surgery.
about a week and a half ago, i was on the road in Los Angeles when my mom called with the news:
Jonathan had been deer hunting in the woods & fell asleep in his deer stand!
he had gotten down from his stand earlier to check on a wounded deer (or something like that...poor little deer) & so when he got back in his stand, he didn't put his safety belt back on.
he fell 20 ft to the ground and woke up when he landed on his face.
the doctor said if he had been awake when he fell, he would have stiffened up and probably died or been paralyzed. but instead he only broke his wrists, got bruised up pretty badly, and bit all the way through his tongue in one spot.
we are all astonished by the outcome of this. so grateful that i still have my widdle brother.
i love him so much.

crazy side note: Jon's wife & kids were also in California at the same time i was on vacation in San Francisco! we were all in CA... what are the odds?!